Fast forward a decade later and I finally "saw" this message as living proof in my life. I finally saw the pattern of emotional decisions based in fear vs. what could have been well thought out decisions based on my self-worth. Well, that's because at the time, I didn't have any confidence. Instead I built my life on a shaky foundation that eventually came crumbling down.
I got divorced, twice, to the same type of man no less. But he'd been dressed up in a different personality. So instead of acknowledging the red flags flying everywhere, I stayed camouflaged in denial. I ran up credit card balances, paid them off and ran them up again. I continued to use drugs and alcohol to cope. Only to find the next day the only coping I had was shame for my behavior the night before. Of course being hung over, I was in no mood to exercise or eat anything that resembled nutritious either. And the cycle went on like this for years.
Even though somewhere in the depth of my soul I knew this behavior was not my highest good, I kept staying in these cycles of defeat because I had grown used to them. You know, the old saying - better the devil that you know? I wanted to believe that it was better to deal with difficult people or situations that I knew instead of trying something new - for fear it could be worse.
We buy into fear's story because it pretends to be shielding us from future pain. Fear is able to do this because it feeds off of our insecurity. And we blindly believe the narrative because it feels so dang real. But please know this - just because we feel, does not make it real. F.E.A.R. stands for false evidence appearing real. So how do we get rid of the false appearing and find the real evidence?
You separate yourself from the storyline. When we feel fear, it's because the story we've told has become our identity. For example, when I knew I needed to divorce the second time, fear's voice kept telling me: You're too old, you'll never find anyone else. What a failure! What will people think, twice divorced? What a looser! You really are unlovable.
Well with that dialogue going on, of course I'm going to feel even more fear and paralyzed to take action! I found that in order to move past my fear, into truth, I had to tackle each question head on. I had to see what was truth and what was myth. By taking "my character" out of the storyline and re-evaluating the story as an observer, I was able to detach my feelings to find the thoughts that had created this nasty narrative. Then and only then could I change the narrative. Once I had new thoughts, it created empowering feelings, which led to positive forward action.
What I learned was this:
You can't pick and choose the truth.
Fear often covers up the truth.
Letting go of shame gives you the power to face fear.
Once you face your fear, the truth is revealed.
Truth is the door that opens to love.
Love gives you the strength to take forward moving action.
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Similar Blog Topics: Feel Your Way to Freedom, Overcoming Self-confidence Traps, Heal Your Inner Child, From Setbacks to Setups, You Achieve What You Believe