So what if you see other people and other situations as holding you back, like I did?
That means you are 100% NORMAL!
We've all been through setbacks. They are THE WORST! When I got divorced, in my mind, I was free to live my life drama-free and on my own terms. I made plans for home renovations, for family trips, for financial freedom. Little did I know that just because I'd gotten divorced, did not mean I was rid of my ex! And this cost me - literally and figuratively.
If he hadn't taken half of my 401k, I could retire so much sooner. If he'd helped me pay for this mortgage and utilities, I would have so much more in savings. If he'd just tried to negotiate, I wouldn't have spent over $20k in attorney's fees. If he would have exercised his visitation, I wouldn't have had the extra childcare costs. If he would have helped me renovate this house like he'd promised, I wouldn't be stuck trying to figure it out on my own. And unfortunately, this is the short list but you get my drift.
I had some very valid excuses for being angry. But after a handful of years passed, it hit me. My anger was not doing anything to him. He'd moved on. It was only affecting MY ABILITY to move on.
When you've found yourself at this crossroad - between replaying a storyline in your head or leaving it in the past - you have a decision to make. Do you keep making excuses for where you are in life or do you accept what has happened so you can move forward?
If you want to move forward, you have to LET IT GO. And when you are willing to do this, you'll find many truths that have alluded you.
For example, I got really honest with myself. Yes this man took a lot from me BUT after he left, I wasn't the best financial consultant to my own life. I didn't make sound financial investments. I was also lazy. Because I spent so much time living in the past, I was depressed a lot of the time. This made me completely unmotivated. I was also very entitled. I thought I deserved better than this - which is very true BUT I wasn't willing to put the effort into making a life "better than this". I just sat on the sidelines waiting for someone or something to save me.
Here's the cold hard fact - NO ONE IS COMING TO YOU SAVE YOU. YOU AND ONLY YOU CAN SAVE YOU. Now of course, you can seek help but you have to get the ball rolling. You have to determine what it is you want, what it is you want to be, what life you want to live. Then and only then, can anyone else help you.
Here are the steps I took to move forward:
- I allowed myself to feel all the feelings. I deserved to be mad and I felt every bit of that anger.
- I decided that his actions were about HIS VALUES not a reflection of my self-worth.
- This allowed me to start the process of forgiveness.
- Forgiveness is when we stop trying to rewrite the past into a storyline we wish had happened.
- This gave me space to begin to forgive myself for the choices I'd made as well.
- I coupled this with a gratitude practice for everything I did have.
- After all, if it weren't for this man, I wouldn't have my son of whom I am so GRATEFUL!
- When all this weight had been lifted, my compromised energy was released.
- I used my newfound energy to take daily action steps towards my dreams.
Moving On and Letting Go are not easy feats but they are feasible! It's just ONE DECISION AWAY!
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Similar Blog Topics: The Movie of Your Mind, Thinking About Goals vs. Actually Doing Something, Destination or Distraction?, Be For-Giving, Using Hate to Heal