This is one of my favorite topics! It is so very dear to my heart because for the longest time, I got stuck - like in quicksand stuck – in fear of trying new things, in failure when something didn’t go as planned and in mistakes I’d made. I couldn’t seem to let go. I just kept revisiting it over and over in my mind. Not for the opportunity to learn from the experience but for the chance to endlessly shame myself for my inadequacies. In summary, I was letting these disappointments define me.
Looking back, I can see clearly now how I fell into that trap. It’s only natural to feel down about fear, failures and mistakes. Who wouldn’t? But the key is not to get stuck in these feelings. To know that you can move past these seeming obstacles. And to become stronger for it!
What we believe, we achieve. If we continue to identify with our fear, failures and mistakes we miss tapping into our true potential. And don’t we all want our kids to live bravely and become all they are meant to be? Well then it is our responsibility to teach them that fear, failures and mistakes are all a part of life. We need to teach them to expect them, not be surprised by them. We do this by equipping our kiddos with skills to deal with what life throws their way.
Shifting Your Way to Victory
We live in a world of duality. You’re either up or you’re down. You go right or go left. You are right or you are wrong. Now that you get the idea, let’s build on it.
Events are actually neutral. We are the ones that define them as good or as bad. Which means how we react is a choice. We can either look to failure and mistakes to define us – “I made so many errors in the game today, I’m just not athletic.” Or we can look to them to teach us - “I kept getting penalties today that were all for the same thing. How can I become more aware of what I’m doing before a penalty is called?”
How we respond enables us to either stand in our personal power or shrink into a victim. By standing in our personal power, we realize we have a choice. Being a victim only gives your power away by not feeling in control. Good news is, if we do choose the victimhood first, we can always change our minds! We do this by shifting our perspective of the failure or mistake.
Remember, we should never ignore how we feel. Our feelings are there for a reason, to alert us to an issue we need to address. What we do with our feelings is what is important – in other words, how we choose to react. Do we face the disappointment with hope to learn from it or do we give up, throw in the towel and let the experience define us?
Practice Makes Perfect
We’ve all seen those people in our lives, that over time get beaten down by life’s disappointments and we surely don’t want our kiddos going down that path. Now you can teach them that instead of seeing failure or mistakes as something they don’t want to deal with, they can use the experience as a compass to direct their path – instead of a roadblock that stunts their growth. Let us all declare - No quicksand for our kiddos!
Identify a fear, failure or mistake your kiddo has recently experienced. Work together to change the perspective from something disappointing to what can be learned. You can even start a Victory Journal where your kiddo logs in each time they do this exercise. When they encounter a disappointment again, they can read all the times they overcame. Watch their resilience grow and know you have taught them a life-long skill that will serve them well! Way to go mom!
As Henry Ford said “Whether you think you can, or you think you can't--you're right.”
It would be my pleasure to hear your family’s struggles with moving past disappointments and to teach you coping mechanisms I learned from my personal journey and professional training. Follow me for more to come!
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Let's teach our children how to Be Brave, Be You - by learning the Power of EQ!