I have found on my journey that self-confidence is earned by a well-balanced Mind, Body and Spirit. My first blog series was on the Mind or how important our Thoughts are because we achieve what we believe. (If you missed my first blog series you can visit my website.)
Now we are going to learn about how to keep our body in balance. The reason we started with our mind is that our thoughts trigger our feelings. When we are consciously aware of our thoughts we move into the driver’s seat. We are in a position to choose our action rather than blindly reacting to a feeling. This builds self-confidence. Great, but what do we do with all our feelings?
Be Accepting of ALL Feelings
All feelings are a physical response to your emotional journey, rooted in thought. Feelings are neither good or bad – we actually put that label on them. Yes, some feelings feel better than others of course! However, there is a benefit to those not-so-great feelings as well.
Every experience in life is for our evolutionary growth. This means that instead of avoiding the feelings that don’t feel so hot, it’s important to FEEL ALL of the FEELINGS. When we distract ourselves from a feeling – by binge watching tv, shopping, addictions – we only temporarily relieve ourselves of feeling pain. The feeling does not go anywhere and is instead stuffed down.
In the most extreme form, this blocked energy in your body is what causes dis-ease. From the most practical standpoint it becomes a building block for insecurity. When we believe something has happened to us is wrong, we are stating that the universe is wrong, therefore unsafe, therefore untrustworthy.
Instead of going with the flow, feeling the feeling, letting go and moving on, you get lost in mental chatter. If instead of fighting it you gave attention to it, the feeling would dissipate and you would no longer need a story attached to a feeling. You do this by balancing your feelings with what you can practically do about a situation. This is a better use of your energy.
Feel Your Way to Freedom
Let's get practical and learn how to face your feelings head on. First and foremost, allow yourself to feel the feeling. Observe yourself without judgement – be in the experience. Adding shame to an already unpleasant feeling only compounds the issue.
Close your eyes and breath through the feeling. When we are relaxed it just becomes thought instead of an identification. Repeat to yourself - I am safe. I honor what this feeling is trying to tell me. Sit until your heart stops racing, your breath is relaxed and you feel more peaceful.
Now that you are in a relaxed state of mind, ask what the feeling is trying to show you. Allow the first answer that pops into your mind to direct your thoughts. Nine times out of ten, the feeling is a byproduct of an unresolved situation. If there is some action you can take to heal, take action. Remember, we can only be responsible for our actions. If you find your resolution has to do with your desire for someone else's behavior to change, it's time to let it go.
No matter if the situation is resolved in the manner you wish, you will find peace because you are no longer looking outside of yourself for empowerment. You have learned you can calm yourself and that your personal power lies inside you, not outside of you (in the realm of things you cannot control). We’re not here to overcome “bad” experiences. All experiences are a catalyst for growth. It just takes courage to discover what glue is holding you together – love or fear?
Teach Your Kiddo Feelings Can Be Fun!
Find a subject that is giving your child anxiety. Explain that feelings are just our internal compass shining a light on something we need to work on. Then try the exercise above. Watch your kiddo’s relief wash over their face and know you have taught them a lifelong tool. Way to go mom!
As Sam Owen said - How we care for ourselves gives our brain messages that shape our self-worth. So, we must care for ourselves in every way, every day!
It would be my pleasure to hear your family’s struggles with processing feelings and to teach you coping mechanisms I learned from my personal journey and professional training. Follow me for more to come!
For more information, check out my blog Self-Talk:
I hoped you received some valuable information! Follow me for free tips & tricks, and I look forward to serving your family's needs! Here’s to happy coaching, the Mom’s Coach
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Let's teach our children how to Be Brave, Be You - by learning the Power of EQ!