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Do As I say, Not as I do (aka Projection)

7/25/2021

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You gotta love it when people call you out for THEIR behavior.  This happened to me over and over again in Corporate America.  And. It. Drove. Me. Nuts! 

Example.... there is a miscommunication with a client. So you just fix it, but the sales person wants to talk it out.  I'm ok with that. After all, that's how we grow and learn - from mistakes. What drove me crazy was then having the sales person call my boss to complain that I am not communicating efficiently - after we worked it out and are in agreement how to move forward.

I don't have a problem with constructive criticism when I have done something wrong and need to learn from it. (I'm a a rehabilitated perfectionist. So this in and of itself deserves a celebration!) But when you are horrible at communication but project it on me - I do have a problem. One mistake does not equal a problem in communicating.

I was constantly following up with this sales person on calls not followed through with, on emails where I wasn't included but needed the answer, on reminders of outstanding items we had addressed numerous times, and the list goes on. Yet he was calling my boss relaying this was my weakness.

Before you blow up, rest up.  Take a breather and recognize how completely out of balance the situation is, but your reaction doesn't have to be. Be so confident in who you are that you don't allow another person to define you. Yes, it is natural as your first reaction to defend yourself, but be realistic with your expectations.  Let me explain....

I used to fight the unfair only to realize at the end of the day, it just didn't matter. My boss wasn't really interested in hearing all "sides" and the sales person was not going to change. I decided one day to stop this cycle and to take Maya Angelou's advise instead: "If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude" about it.

I want to share this perspective - IT CAN BE LIBERATING.  When you know that another person is not going to change, you can stop caring about their behavior.  Translated:  You know where NOT to focus your time anymore!  You are free from expending any more energy towards that relationship.  You take that person at face value, knowing how they operate and you have a scripted response filed away for future reference - because you better believe you'll need it again!  

Be open to allowing people to show you who they are because they will every, single, time! Then accept it. This will set you up for more realistic expectations in the future - you see what will happen versus what you wish would happen.  We are all on our own unique journey, and it's not your job to school them on how to behave. Your only job is to be responsible for how you react. 

So how do you get to have your feelings yet not feel all over everyone?
Remove yourself from the situation, close your eyes and take five deep breaths & release.
If you can feel all your feelings now, go for it! 
If you're in the office, jot down main points in your journal to feel later.
Then FEEL ALL THE FEELINGS. 
This is where most of us just stuff them down, only for them to resurface later.
I can't stress this enough - FEEL ALL YOUR FEELINGS.
You deserve to feel whatever you feel.  It's what you do with those feelings that is important.
Decide - is this something you can change or is this something you need to change how you see?
If you can change, take action.
If not, change how you see it - in this case, projection is not about you. 
I get it projection feels personal but it couldn't be more impersonal.
It is about them. You are acting as a mirror, reflecting back to them something they need to heal.
Understand they may not be willing or may not want to see this. It's their journey.
When this happens, feel your feelings, then face them with the facts and move forward.

As I did with my boss, A-problem that happened, B-the solution offered & agreed upon. It would serve me no purpose to bring up all the examples of how hard it is to communicate (because A-my boss just wants it resolved, B-the sales person is not changing).

When you remove the personal aspect of things, you become the observer of the situation, removing yourself as the person that is being persecuted.  By observing the behavior, instead of blindly reacting to being triggered, you stand grounded in your power. You can choose a better response. And by doing so, you can allow in the Law of Attraction - positive thoughts bring positive results into your life - to take over from there.  

Projection is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to building successful relationships.  Follow me on Instagram, schedule a free consultation or check out these blogs to learn more.  Happy coaching brave ones!

Be Brave, Be You - Learn the Power of EQ!
For more information: https://linktr.ee/bebravebeyou
Check out these blogs:  Universal Flow, Feel Your Way To Freedom, Are You An HSP?
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Modern Day miracles

7/12/2021

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What if I were to tell you that miracles are much easier to come by than you think?  Well, if you had told me that a few years ago I would have flat out laughed in your face!  I saw life as a never ending struggle, one after the other, each seemingly more daunting than the next. I lived like this for decades, until I literally lost my desire to fight.  I was tired.  I felt broken.  I had finally become humbled.  

I took a good, hard look at my life choices thus far - all the struggles I was fighting everyday - to decipher how I can go about life differently.  After all, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results.  Lord knows the results I was yielding were not what I was striving for!

Even though my struggles were in different types of relationships - family, romantic, friends, professional - they all had one common denominator.  ME.  Yes, I could give a great argument as to how I'd been wronged by each individual but what I couldn't deny is I was the only one participating in every single scenario.

Initially it sounded depressing, but it was actually liberating!  If I was participating then that meant I had a say so in the matter.  Maybe not in how the scene played out, but I sure had a choice in how I could perceive that scene.

That is the key factor in miracles - PERCEPTION - and it can be backed up by science too!  The Observer Effect states that the act of observing an object can actually change the object.  So what does that mean for you and me?  It means that by merely choosing to look at something different, we can cause it to actually look different!

Perception is just that - a way of interpreting something.  So if we "see" all our interactions as a struggle, our interactions will show up as a struggle.  BUT.... what if we "see" our interactions as an opportunity to learn?  Then our life experiences begin to show up as happening FOR US and not to us!  We are more open to growth and forward progression, versus becoming stuck in a repetitive downward spiral.

This is why understanding the Language of Emotions is so helpful.  Emotional Intelligence is
the ability to recognize, evaluate and regulate your own emotions, emotions of those around you and in groups of people.

People, places and things we encounter in life are just that - people, places and things. In other words, they are neutral.  We are the ones that place emotions and opinions on them.  So if we create "the story", we can decide how the story unfolds.  If we don't like how we feel, then we have the power to Change the Narrative.  And that is what my coaching practice is all about.

​What I’ve discovered as a coach is that we can be so immersed in our own personal story line that is it hard to see the bigger picture. And when you have been hurt, rightfully so. You have every right to feel every emotion that you have. It's what you do with those feelings that either keep you stuck or move you towards healing. This is why I am so passionate about coaching, because I teach mindset developmental skills. You will learn the brain science behind the power of your mind by targeting unhealthy thought patterns. 

We each have a journey in our life to fulfill and it is as unique as our fingerprints.  Now life isn’t without challenges but if you are equipped with the right coping skills, you can create anything you want in your life.  You can move past insecurities, unhealthy relationships and even disappointments to live the beautiful, bright life you deserve!


Be Brave, Be You - Learn the Power of EQ!
For more information: https://linktr.ee/bebravebeyou
Check out these blogs:  Self-Confidence, Expectations, Perception

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