Example.... there is a miscommunication with a client. So you just fix it, but the sales person wants to talk it out. I'm ok with that. After all, that's how we grow and learn - from mistakes. What drove me crazy was then having the sales person call my boss to complain that I am not communicating efficiently - after we worked it out and are in agreement how to move forward.
I don't have a problem with constructive criticism when I have done something wrong and need to learn from it. (I'm a a rehabilitated perfectionist. So this in and of itself deserves a celebration!) But when you are horrible at communication but project it on me - I do have a problem. One mistake does not equal a problem in communicating.
I was constantly following up with this sales person on calls not followed through with, on emails where I wasn't included but needed the answer, on reminders of outstanding items we had addressed numerous times, and the list goes on. Yet he was calling my boss relaying this was my weakness.
Before you blow up, rest up. Take a breather and recognize how completely out of balance the situation is, but your reaction doesn't have to be. Be so confident in who you are that you don't allow another person to define you. Yes, it is natural as your first reaction to defend yourself, but be realistic with your expectations. Let me explain....
I used to fight the unfair only to realize at the end of the day, it just didn't matter. My boss wasn't really interested in hearing all "sides" and the sales person was not going to change. I decided one day to stop this cycle and to take Maya Angelou's advise instead: "If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude" about it.
I want to share this perspective - IT CAN BE LIBERATING. When you know that another person is not going to change, you can stop caring about their behavior. Translated: You know where NOT to focus your time anymore! You are free from expending any more energy towards that relationship. You take that person at face value, knowing how they operate and you have a scripted response filed away for future reference - because you better believe you'll need it again!
Be open to allowing people to show you who they are because they will every, single, time! Then accept it. This will set you up for more realistic expectations in the future - you see what will happen versus what you wish would happen. We are all on our own unique journey, and it's not your job to school them on how to behave. Your only job is to be responsible for how you react.
So how do you get to have your feelings yet not feel all over everyone?
Remove yourself from the situation, close your eyes and take five deep breaths & release.
If you can feel all your feelings now, go for it!
If you're in the office, jot down main points in your journal to feel later.
Then FEEL ALL THE FEELINGS.
This is where most of us just stuff them down, only for them to resurface later.
I can't stress this enough - FEEL ALL YOUR FEELINGS.
You deserve to feel whatever you feel. It's what you do with those feelings that is important.
Decide - is this something you can change or is this something you need to change how you see?
If you can change, take action.
If not, change how you see it - in this case, projection is not about you.
I get it projection feels personal but it couldn't be more impersonal.
It is about them. You are acting as a mirror, reflecting back to them something they need to heal.
Understand they may not be willing or may not want to see this. It's their journey.
When this happens, feel your feelings, then face them with the facts and move forward.
As I did with my boss, A-problem that happened, B-the solution offered & agreed upon. It would serve me no purpose to bring up all the examples of how hard it is to communicate (because A-my boss just wants it resolved, B-the sales person is not changing).
When you remove the personal aspect of things, you become the observer of the situation, removing yourself as the person that is being persecuted. By observing the behavior, instead of blindly reacting to being triggered, you stand grounded in your power. You can choose a better response. And by doing so, you can allow in the Law of Attraction - positive thoughts bring positive results into your life - to take over from there.
Projection is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to building successful relationships. Follow me on Instagram, schedule a free consultation or check out these blogs to learn more. Happy coaching brave ones!
Be Brave, Be You - Learn the Power of EQ!
For more information: https://linktr.ee/bebravebeyou
Check out these blogs: Universal Flow, Feel Your Way To Freedom, Are You An HSP?