When someone has decided that you are the reason for their unhappiness, there is absolutely nothing you can do to circumvent this. Believe me, I've tried it all. I've tried being silent, fighting back, displaying the facts (as if I were an attorney reciting to a jury), apologizing, being nice, praying, meditating, exercising, and last but not least addictive behaviors to numb my feelings. You name it, I've done it.
So when I was blindsided last week, I went to a very dark place. A place where I used to live that I thought I'd lost the address to. But I soon found I hadn't. I quickly reminded myself to walk my talk. I get to feel whatever I am feeling because I am worthy. Yes, this did help because I wasn't doing what I used to do - shame myself for getting upset. That was definitely a move in the right direction.
But there was still this thick, heavy coat of depression that no matter what I did, I couldn't shake. It was like I was back in the original situation with this person when I felt trapped and alone. Just like that, I had erased years of forward movement. I simply could not shake this idea. How can I do so much work and in one instance be transported back to that feeling? I came upon two truths in my attempt to abate the pain.
#1 - This is life is for HEALING. It's not about overcoming. It's just about healing. So this means that even though you may feel you have conquered an old wound, that old wound may resurface and often when you least expect it. This is a fact, and once you can accept this, the next time it rears its ugly head, you can get to the work at hand - healing it. There is no magic formula. What takes one person a day may take another a lifetime. The only requirement on your part is being open to listening to and healing that wound when it resurfaces.
#2 - The REAL YOU can never be diminished by hate. Yes, the actor you are currently playing in this lifetime can have many events that are meant for your harm. When hate is coming at you, it can hurt so bad that it feels personal. However, the true you, the everlasting soul you, cannot actually be hurt. No one can ever do any thing to you to take away whose you are - A Child of the Most High God. So just because you feel, does not in fact make it real.
Now that doesn't mean your emotions are wrong if they feel horrible. That's when you love yourself the most! You feel everything you feel. You are worthy of your feelings. Then you make a choice to follow those feelings back to the narrator that created them and you have a decision to make. You can believe false thoughts of defeat or you can ask for love's guidance. It will steer you in the right direction every time.
When something harmful does get thrown your way, please try to re-member and re-mind.
Re-member yourself with what God says about you instead of aligning yourself with thoughts of defeat. Re-mind yourself that this is an opportunity to heal an untruth. You are not the person responsible for another's unhappiness. A person who does not take responsibility for their feelings will never see your point of view. So take action to protect yourself and ask for help when you need it. We all do!
I'm not even going to pretend this is easy. This is graduate level spiritual work. I'm just offering another way to look at it in hopes to lighten your load. As we all know, just because we understand something logically doesn't mean we'll feel it right away. We just have to try. That's it. Not perfect, overcome, master anything. Just try.
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