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HATRED'S ROLE IN HEALING

2/27/2022

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Ever thought you'd figured it all out?  An old story was healed?  You'd let it go?  Perhaps you'd even gone the extra mile and was grateful to the person that hurt you because of all that you've learned? Well, in my experience, when I've made these types of declarations to myself, life will give me an opportunity to test it and boy did it ever last week!

When someone has decided that you are the reason for their unhappiness, there is absolutely nothing you can do to circumvent this. Believe me, I've tried it all.  I've tried being silent, fighting back, displaying the facts (as if I were an attorney reciting to a jury), apologizing, being nice, praying, meditating, exercising, and last but not least addictive behaviors to numb my feelings.  You name it, I've done it.  

So when I was blindsided last week, I went to a very dark place. A place where I used to live that I thought I'd lost the address to. But I soon found I hadn't. I quickly reminded myself to walk my talk. I get to feel whatever I am feeling because I am worthy. Yes, this did help because I wasn't doing what I used to do - shame myself for getting upset.  That was definitely a move in the right direction.

But there was still this thick, heavy coat of depression that no matter what I did, I couldn't shake. It was like I was back in the original situation with this person when I felt trapped and alone. Just like that, I had erased years of forward movement. I simply could not shake this idea. How can I do so much work and in one instance be transported back to that feeling? I came upon two truths in my attempt to abate the pain.

#1 - This is life is for HEALING. It's not about overcoming. It's just about healing. So this means that even though you may feel you have conquered an old wound, that old wound may resurface and often when you least expect it. This is a fact, and once you can accept this, the next time it rears its ugly head, you can get to the work at hand - healing it.  There is no magic formula. What takes one person a day may take another a lifetime. The only requirement on your part is being open to listening to and healing that wound when it resurfaces.

#2 - The REAL YOU can never be diminished by hate. Yes, the actor you are currently playing in this lifetime can have many events that are meant for your harm.  When hate is coming at you, it can hurt so bad that it feels personal. However, the true you, the everlasting soul you, cannot actually be hurt. No one can ever do any thing to you to take away whose you are - A Child of the Most High God. So just because you feel, does not in fact make it real.

Now that doesn't mean your emotions are wrong if they feel horrible.  That's when you love yourself the most!  You feel everything you feel.  You are worthy of your feelings.  Then you make a choice to follow those feelings back to the narrator that created them and you have a decision to make.  You can believe false thoughts of defeat or you can ask for love's guidance. It will steer you in the right direction every time. 

When something harmful does get thrown your way, please try to re-member and re-mind. 

Re-member yourself with what God says about you instead of aligning yourself with thoughts of defeat.  Re-mind yourself that this is an opportunity to heal an untruth. You are not the person responsible for another's unhappiness. A person who does not take responsibility for their feelings will never see your point of view.  So take action to protect yourself and ask for help when you need it.  We all do!

I'm not even going to pretend this is easy. This is graduate level spiritual work. I'm just offering another way to look at it in hopes to lighten your load. As we all know, just because we understand something logically doesn't mean we'll feel it right away.  We just have to try.  That's it. Not perfect, overcome, master anything.  Just try. 
 

Follow me on Instagram, schedule a free consultation or check out these blogs to learn more about EQ and how it can change your life - like it did mine. Happy coaching Brave Ones!

Be Brave, Be You - Learn the Power of EQ!
Emotional Intelligence Coaching: https://linktr.ee/bebravebeyou
Similar Blog Topics: Be For-Giving, All is Well, Trading Problems for Prayers, The Movie of Your Mind
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Be FOR-GIVING

2/14/2022

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Forgiveness is easier than you think - because it is not done with our heads, but with our hearts. 

When we think of forgiving, we think it means having to find the willpower to stop being angry and hurt towards another person that did some wrongdoing to us.  Let's break down the word to see it from another perspective.

"For" is used as a function word to indicate purpose. "Giving" is defined as providing love.  Combined, for-giving means "the purpose is to provide love" - an 
intense feeling of deep affection. 

You are entitled to feel every emotion you have when someone has mistreated you. It's absurd to think you just need to find a way to get over how you feel. We honor ourselves when we acknowledge how we feel.  We are literally telling ourselves, I matter. You are showing yourself deep affection - LOVE.

When we deny how we feel, we end up stuck in cycles of storytelling. Where you are the victim and the other person is the villain. Without even realizing it, you've assigned your feelings as your identity. Don't worry though, it's 100% normal. We all do it!  The key is just to realize when you have and reach out for forgiveness.

​Forgiveness is the realization that you are in the present moment trying to rewrite the past.  
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This happens when our new and improved self looks back at the older model and judges.

So how do feel your feelings but not get stuck?
Tell your story of how you were wronged. Every single detail.
Feel every single feeling. You deserve to honor your experience. 
Then make the decision to replace your thoughts of judgement (for how it should have gone) with thoughts of love to yourself (for doing the best you could at the time with the knowledge that you had).
Repeat every time those thoughts of defeat pop up.
You will create a new habit of loving yourself through old memories.


And if that wasn't enough, these benefits can be yours too!
  • Weight loss occurs when you surrender fight or flight syndrome.
  • Manifestation improves because you've deemed yourself worthy.
  • Sound sleep happens when you've freed your mind to relax.
  • Improved Health ensues when your nervous system is clamed.

But the Best Benefit of All? 
When you heal your inner child, you set an example for your kids - so they won't have to heal theirs!


Follow me on Instagram, schedule a free consultation or check out these blogs to learn more about EQ and how it can change your life - like it did mine. Happy coaching Brave Ones!

Be Brave, Be You - Learn the Power of EQ!
Emotional Intelligence Coaching: https://linktr.ee/bebravebeyou
Similar Blog Topics: Teaching our Kids about Feelings, All is Well, Trading Problems for Prayers
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TEACHING OUR KIDS ABOUT FEELINGS

2/8/2022

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It's  really funny how my son and I always seem to solve the world's problems before the sun even rises!  This morning was no different, but before I begin, a little backstory first.....

I am a single mom and have been since my son was five.  I haven't remarried and I keep my dating life private.  So from his point of view, he is my entire world.  Now, that's not too far off because I love this boy more than I've ever loved anything in this world and he knows it!  But what he hasn't realized yet is that I do have a life when he goes to dad's 
😂 

We were sitting in carpool this morning waiting our turn when I brought up a trip I was planning.  It was for a weekend he was going to dad's but I wanted to leave early to beat Atlanta traffic (don't even get me started on Atlanta traffic).  This means that Friday afternoon, when he normally waits for afternoon pickup at home, he'll need to go to a neighbor's house instead. No big deal, right?  

Wrong! I was taken by surprise when he told me that wasn't going to work for him. He loved my hugs and kisses goodbye before he left, and I was just gonna need to wait to go out of town until after he left.  Now mind you, I'm still working on my coffee and not shooting on all cylinders, and was at a loss for words. Luckily I've learned the importance of the "parenting pause" (where your emotions want to respond but your head tells you to think on it first).  And in that moment of silence, my response was given to me in the form of one word - Benevolence. 

You see, during my divorce and subsequent legal filings (eye roll) I learned the importance of this word. I used to pray that I got my way. I mean who doesn't?  What I found though, is when I was just praying for my needs, I got laser focused on the outcome. Meaning my happiness become contingent on things going my way. Well if any of you have been playing this game of life for any amount of time, you know things aren't always going to go your way.  Logically, yes this makes sense, but when you have feelings involved intellect can always fall to the wayside.

So after I felt all the feelings about what I wanted to happen, I learned to pray for benevolence.  This is when we want the highest and best good for everyone involved - not just for ourselves.  This does two things. First, it acknowledges there is more than just your perspective involved. Second, it breaks your attachment to the outcome. You no longer need to be right. Instead you can choose to be happy.

Back to the carpool line. I explained that we get to feel whatever emotion that comes up, but before we act on those feelings we ask for benevolence. This is when we wish the best outcome for everybody involved. Sometimes that means we have to give a little so that someone else is taken care of too, because even though our feelings are valid, life is not just about us. 

I asked him what he thought.  He sat there for a minute and said, honestly?  I still want you to stay because I'm sad you won't be there. But if I'm thinking about you too, I'd rather you not be in traffic because it makes you sooo cranky!  Couldn't have said it better myself. 
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Follow me on Instagram, schedule a free consultation or check out these blogs to learn more about EQ and how it can change your life - like it did mine. Happy coaching Brave Ones!

Be Brave, Be You - Learn the Power of EQ!
Emotional Intelligence Coaching: https://linktr.ee/bebravebeyou
Similar Blog Topics: Do As I Say, Not as I Do, Expectations & Emotions, From Setbacks to Setups, Healing Your Inner Child, Are You the Parent of an HSP?
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