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WHAT EXCUSES ARE HOLDING YOU BACK?

5/7/2022

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 Admitting that your excuses - not other people, not situations - are what is holding you back, is a HUGE growth moment. It means you're getting serious.  It means you know you're worth the effort. It means you are taking responsibility for the creation of your life. And I applaud you because it took me MANY years to stop making excuses.  After all, I had some pretty valid ones!

So what if you see other people and other situations as holding you back, like I did?

That means you are 100% NORMAL!  

We've all been through setbacks.  They are THE WORST!  When I got divorced, in my mind, I was free to live my life drama-free and on my own terms. I made plans for home renovations, for family trips, for financial freedom.  Little did I know that just because I'd gotten divorced, did not mean I was rid of my ex!  And this cost me - literally and figuratively.

If he hadn't taken half of my 401k, I could retire so much sooner. If he'd helped me pay for this mortgage and utilities, I would have so much more in savings. If he'd just tried to negotiate, I wouldn't have spent over $20k in attorney's fees.  If he would have exercised his visitation, I wouldn't have had the extra childcare costs. If he would have helped me renovate this house like he'd promised, I wouldn't be stuck trying to figure it out on my own.  And unfortunately, this is the short list but you get my drift.

I had some very valid excuses for being angry.  But after a handful of years passed, it hit me.  My anger was not doing anything to him. He'd moved on. It was only affecting MY ABILITY  to move on.

When you've found yourself at this crossroad - between replaying a storyline in your head or leaving it in the past - you have a decision to make.  Do you keep making excuses for where you are in life or do you accept what has happened so you can move forward?

If you want to move forward, you have to LET IT GO.  And when you are willing to do this, you'll find many truths that have alluded you.

For example, I got really honest with myself.  Yes this man took a lot from me BUT after he left, I wasn't the best financial consultant to my own life. I didn't make sound financial investments.  I was also lazy. Because I spent so much time living in the past, I was depressed a lot of the time.  This made me completely unmotivated.  I was also very entitled.  I thought I deserved better than this - which is very true BUT I wasn't willing to put the effort into making a life "better than this".  I just sat on the sidelines waiting for someone or something to save me.

Here's the cold hard fact - NO ONE IS COMING TO YOU SAVE YOU.  YOU AND ONLY YOU CAN SAVE YOU.  Now of course, you can seek help but you have to get the ball rolling.  You have to determine what it is you want, what it is you want to be, what life you want to live.  Then and only then, can anyone else help you.

​Here are the steps I took to move forward:
- I allowed myself to feel all the feelings. I deserved to be mad and I felt every bit of that anger.
- I decided that his actions were about HIS VALUES not a reflection of my self-worth. 
- This allowed me to start the process of forgiveness.
- Forgiveness is when we stop trying to rewrite the past into a storyline we wish had happened.
- This gave me space to begin to forgive myself for the choices I'd made as well.
- I coupled this with a gratitude practice for everything I did have.
- After all, if it weren't for this man, I wouldn't have my son of whom I am so GRATEFUL!
- When all this weight had been lifted, my compromised energy was released.
- I used my newfound energy to take daily action steps towards my dreams.

Moving On and Letting Go are not easy feats but they are feasible!  It's just ONE DECISION AWAY!

​Follow me on Instagram, schedule a free consultation or check out these blogs to learn more about EQ and how it can change your life - like it did mine. Happy coaching Brave Ones!

Be Brave, Be You - Learn the Power of EQ!
Emotional Intelligence Coaching: https://linktr.ee/bebravebeyou
Similar Blog Topics: The Movie of Your Mind,  Thinking About Goals vs. Actually Doing Something, Destination or Distraction?, Be For-Giving, Using Hate to Heal
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HAVING A HARD TIME MAKING A DECISION?

3/15/2022

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We've all been at the crossroads of a major decision.  Should I leave my marriage?  Do I take the new job?  Should I make that investment?  Do I write off that friend I've outgrown?  All of these questions seem different in nature but they all have the same common denominator - fear.  It could be fear of change, fear of the unknown, fear of the consequences, but when you cannot arrive at an answer, fear is the culprit. 
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So how do we jump out of fear and into faith based decision making?  We turn to our feelings.

Most of us identify with our thoughts, not our feelings.  We faithfully follow the thoughts in our head because we associate our identity, our personality, with our thoughts.  We are not our thoughts - we are the observer of our thoughts.  

Our thoughts are actually based on conditioning, experiences outside of ourselves that we've:
Been told.
Experienced.
Observed.

The problem with conditioning is that every experience you have is not the same.  When your parents told you that belief, it was based on their experience.  When you experienced or observed it for yourself, that was one specific event in time, with different variables than what you might experience now.

To listen to and follow our thoughts blindly, is to listen to and follow conditioning.  To find your truth - in this moment - consult your feelings.

If this seems counterintuitive, I completely understand.  Most of us have a thought, which engenders a feeling that results in an action.  We blindly react to a feeling as if it is the truth, but our feelings are not the message.  Our feelings are the messenger - alerting us that we need to go back to our thoughts, where the message originated.

You have the power to change your thoughts at any given moment, but you first have to buy into the fact that you are the observer of your thoughts.  Try this out.  What's the first thought that comes to mind?  Now, what is your opinion of your thought?  And why?  The fact that you have an opinion of your thought proves you are the observer!  And as the observer, you can choose a better feeling thought.

Now to the second hurdle - facing our feelings.  Most of us were taught to stuff down uncomfortable feelings. So the last thing you want to do is face them.  They can seem scary and daunting.  I get it.  I've been there.  But the truth of the matter is, if you allow your feelings to surface, they can no longer have a grip on you.  This allows you to see the truth more clearly, and make a decision from a place of empowerment versus from a place fear.

So the next time you're up for a big decision, try this journaling exercise:
Write down the big question at the top of your paper.
Then jot down every feeling you have about it.
Afterwards, close your eyes and breath in & out to the count of five.
Feel all of your feelings (and this may take several sessions).
Write the reasons for your feelings - the thoughts you have.
What possible conditioning could be influencing your thoughts?
List the action you can take based on what you can control.
Determine the best course of action based on the facts of what you found.
Lastly, how does this decision feel - empowered or uneasy?

If you're still uneasy, go back to your feelings to discover the messages behind the emotions.  Sometimes the deeper we've buried a truth, the more time it will take to excavate.  

The key to success is a perspective shift - from the pressure of having to make the RIGHT decision to 
giving ourselves the freedom to make ANY decision.  knowing no matter what we are learning.  With each experience we learn, we grow and we expand.  We have more information to make our next decision. 

When I stopped trying to be perfect and instead strived to be authentic, all the chains were loosed. It is the most freeing and wonderful feeling. And as your confidence grows, more and more like minded people and circumstances are attracted into your life.
All you have to do is trust your feelings. You are worthy.  You are unique.  You are needed.

Follow me on Instagram, schedule a free consultation or check out these blogs to learn more about EQ and how it can change your life - like it did mine. Happy coaching Brave Ones!

Be Brave, Be You - Learn the Power of EQ!
Emotional Intelligence Coaching: https://linktr.ee/bebravebeyou
Similar Blog Topics: Becoming Authentically You, All is Well, Your Year to Face Fears, Trading Problems for Prayer
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BECOMING AUTHENTICALLY YOU!

3/4/2022

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If you're anything like I was in my twenties, you would never entertain the idea of needing to become authentically you.  You already knew it all.  You were finally free from your parents.  And you were going to conquer the world .... with all this knowledge and all that freedom 😂

Fast forward two decades and I have quite a different perspective. I can see clearly now how much conditioning has influenced my decisions. I'm now determined to make decisions from a place of knowing versus as place of having been told.

It's the natural progression of life - being, belonging and becoming.

All of us experience the first two stages - being and belonging.  As children we learn from our families and educators how to "be" in this world. From rules on how to behave in society to specifically what your role in society plays. Then as we get older, we develop bonds with like-minded people.  Where we learn how to belong.  The third stage is a little more elusive.  It's a choice we make.  Continue to go with the status quo or question what is true for you.

This is when life gets fun!  But can feel a bit scary too. When you do something for the first time, you can get that uneasy feeling in your stomach. It feels like you are doing something wrong but in fact it is completely normal. You are developing neural pathways. Your brain is like a map and the neural pathways are like roads you build. As you learn new ways of living and being, you develop new roads. Until those roads are built, you will feel uncomfortable.

This is the stage where most of us jump ship. Most likely because we are going against what was taught to us, but the exhilaration of discovering your truth far out weighs the momentary discord.  I promise!  

A CHANGE in direction can be as simple as:
A-dmitting the area in your life that you are dissatisfied with.
C-learly writing out the solution you wish to accomplish.
H-earing your intuitive direction through meditation or journaling.
A-nalizing how to remove past conditioning that is blocking your growth.
N-eural pathways can now be built by taking your goal and breaking it into steps.
G-et help from people that have successfully accomplished your goal.
E-xecute your new way of living by affirming your success and taking daily action.

The hardest part of change is the first step!  Don't self-sabotage by buying into the doubts your mind will feed you. It's just a defense mechanism we all have intended to keep us safe. But remember, growth is never found in our comfort zone.  Happy Coaching Brave Ones!


Follow me on Instagram, schedule a free consultation or check out these blogs to learn more about EQ and how it can change your life - like it did mine. Happy coaching Brave Ones!

Be Brave, Be You - Learn the Power of EQ!
Emotional Intelligence Coaching: https://linktr.ee/bebravebeyou
Similar Blog Topics: Thinking About Goals vs. Actually Doing Something, Your Year to Face Your Fears, Destination or Distraction?, Practice Makes Productive
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HATRED'S ROLE IN HEALING

2/27/2022

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Ever thought you'd figured it all out?  An old story was healed?  You'd let it go?  Perhaps you'd even gone the extra mile and was grateful to the person that hurt you because of all that you've learned? Well, in my experience, when I've made these types of declarations to myself, life will give me an opportunity to test it and boy did it ever last week!

When someone has decided that you are the reason for their unhappiness, there is absolutely nothing you can do to circumvent this. Believe me, I've tried it all.  I've tried being silent, fighting back, displaying the facts (as if I were an attorney reciting to a jury), apologizing, being nice, praying, meditating, exercising, and last but not least addictive behaviors to numb my feelings.  You name it, I've done it.  

So when I was blindsided last week, I went to a very dark place. A place where I used to live that I thought I'd lost the address to. But I soon found I hadn't. I quickly reminded myself to walk my talk. I get to feel whatever I am feeling because I am worthy. Yes, this did help because I wasn't doing what I used to do - shame myself for getting upset.  That was definitely a move in the right direction.

But there was still this thick, heavy coat of depression that no matter what I did, I couldn't shake. It was like I was back in the original situation with this person when I felt trapped and alone. Just like that, I had erased years of forward movement. I simply could not shake this idea. How can I do so much work and in one instance be transported back to that feeling? I came upon two truths in my attempt to abate the pain.

#1 - This is life is for HEALING. It's not about overcoming. It's just about healing. So this means that even though you may feel you have conquered an old wound, that old wound may resurface and often when you least expect it. This is a fact, and once you can accept this, the next time it rears its ugly head, you can get to the work at hand - healing it.  There is no magic formula. What takes one person a day may take another a lifetime. The only requirement on your part is being open to listening to and healing that wound when it resurfaces.

#2 - The REAL YOU can never be diminished by hate. Yes, the actor you are currently playing in this lifetime can have many events that are meant for your harm.  When hate is coming at you, it can hurt so bad that it feels personal. However, the true you, the everlasting soul you, cannot actually be hurt. No one can ever do any thing to you to take away whose you are - A Child of the Most High God. So just because you feel, does not in fact make it real.

Now that doesn't mean your emotions are wrong if they feel horrible.  That's when you love yourself the most!  You feel everything you feel.  You are worthy of your feelings.  Then you make a choice to follow those feelings back to the narrator that created them and you have a decision to make.  You can believe false thoughts of defeat or you can ask for love's guidance. It will steer you in the right direction every time. 

When something harmful does get thrown your way, please try to re-member and re-mind. 

Re-member yourself with what God says about you instead of aligning yourself with thoughts of defeat.  Re-mind yourself that this is an opportunity to heal an untruth. You are not the person responsible for another's unhappiness. A person who does not take responsibility for their feelings will never see your point of view.  So take action to protect yourself and ask for help when you need it.  We all do!

I'm not even going to pretend this is easy. This is graduate level spiritual work. I'm just offering another way to look at it in hopes to lighten your load. As we all know, just because we understand something logically doesn't mean we'll feel it right away.  We just have to try.  That's it. Not perfect, overcome, master anything.  Just try. 
 

Follow me on Instagram, schedule a free consultation or check out these blogs to learn more about EQ and how it can change your life - like it did mine. Happy coaching Brave Ones!

Be Brave, Be You - Learn the Power of EQ!
Emotional Intelligence Coaching: https://linktr.ee/bebravebeyou
Similar Blog Topics: Be For-Giving, All is Well, Trading Problems for Prayers, The Movie of Your Mind
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Be FOR-GIVING

2/14/2022

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Forgiveness is easier than you think - because it is not done with our heads, but with our hearts. 

When we think of forgiving, we think it means having to find the willpower to stop being angry and hurt towards another person that did some wrongdoing to us.  Let's break down the word to see it from another perspective.

"For" is used as a function word to indicate purpose. "Giving" is defined as providing love.  Combined, for-giving means "the purpose is to provide love" - an 
intense feeling of deep affection. 

You are entitled to feel every emotion you have when someone has mistreated you. It's absurd to think you just need to find a way to get over how you feel. We honor ourselves when we acknowledge how we feel.  We are literally telling ourselves, I matter. You are showing yourself deep affection - LOVE.

When we deny how we feel, we end up stuck in cycles of storytelling. Where you are the victim and the other person is the villain. Without even realizing it, you've assigned your feelings as your identity. Don't worry though, it's 100% normal. We all do it!  The key is just to realize when you have and reach out for forgiveness.

​Forgiveness is the realization that you are in the present moment trying to rewrite the past.  
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This happens when our new and improved self looks back at the older model and judges.

So how do feel your feelings but not get stuck?
Tell your story of how you were wronged. Every single detail.
Feel every single feeling. You deserve to honor your experience. 
Then make the decision to replace your thoughts of judgement (for how it should have gone) with thoughts of love to yourself (for doing the best you could at the time with the knowledge that you had).
Repeat every time those thoughts of defeat pop up.
You will create a new habit of loving yourself through old memories.


And if that wasn't enough, these benefits can be yours too!
  • Weight loss occurs when you surrender fight or flight syndrome.
  • Manifestation improves because you've deemed yourself worthy.
  • Sound sleep happens when you've freed your mind to relax.
  • Improved Health ensues when your nervous system is clamed.

But the Best Benefit of All? 
When you heal your inner child, you set an example for your kids - so they won't have to heal theirs!


Follow me on Instagram, schedule a free consultation or check out these blogs to learn more about EQ and how it can change your life - like it did mine. Happy coaching Brave Ones!

Be Brave, Be You - Learn the Power of EQ!
Emotional Intelligence Coaching: https://linktr.ee/bebravebeyou
Similar Blog Topics: Teaching our Kids about Feelings, All is Well, Trading Problems for Prayers
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TEACHING OUR KIDS ABOUT FEELINGS

2/8/2022

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It's  really funny how my son and I always seem to solve the world's problems before the sun even rises!  This morning was no different, but before I begin, a little backstory first.....

I am a single mom and have been since my son was five.  I haven't remarried and I keep my dating life private.  So from his point of view, he is my entire world.  Now, that's not too far off because I love this boy more than I've ever loved anything in this world and he knows it!  But what he hasn't realized yet is that I do have a life when he goes to dad's 
😂 

We were sitting in carpool this morning waiting our turn when I brought up a trip I was planning.  It was for a weekend he was going to dad's but I wanted to leave early to beat Atlanta traffic (don't even get me started on Atlanta traffic).  This means that Friday afternoon, when he normally waits for afternoon pickup at home, he'll need to go to a neighbor's house instead. No big deal, right?  

Wrong! I was taken by surprise when he told me that wasn't going to work for him. He loved my hugs and kisses goodbye before he left, and I was just gonna need to wait to go out of town until after he left.  Now mind you, I'm still working on my coffee and not shooting on all cylinders, and was at a loss for words. Luckily I've learned the importance of the "parenting pause" (where your emotions want to respond but your head tells you to think on it first).  And in that moment of silence, my response was given to me in the form of one word - Benevolence. 

You see, during my divorce and subsequent legal filings (eye roll) I learned the importance of this word. I used to pray that I got my way. I mean who doesn't?  What I found though, is when I was just praying for my needs, I got laser focused on the outcome. Meaning my happiness become contingent on things going my way. Well if any of you have been playing this game of life for any amount of time, you know things aren't always going to go your way.  Logically, yes this makes sense, but when you have feelings involved intellect can always fall to the wayside.

So after I felt all the feelings about what I wanted to happen, I learned to pray for benevolence.  This is when we want the highest and best good for everyone involved - not just for ourselves.  This does two things. First, it acknowledges there is more than just your perspective involved. Second, it breaks your attachment to the outcome. You no longer need to be right. Instead you can choose to be happy.

Back to the carpool line. I explained that we get to feel whatever emotion that comes up, but before we act on those feelings we ask for benevolence. This is when we wish the best outcome for everybody involved. Sometimes that means we have to give a little so that someone else is taken care of too, because even though our feelings are valid, life is not just about us. 

I asked him what he thought.  He sat there for a minute and said, honestly?  I still want you to stay because I'm sad you won't be there. But if I'm thinking about you too, I'd rather you not be in traffic because it makes you sooo cranky!  Couldn't have said it better myself. 
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Follow me on Instagram, schedule a free consultation or check out these blogs to learn more about EQ and how it can change your life - like it did mine. Happy coaching Brave Ones!

Be Brave, Be You - Learn the Power of EQ!
Emotional Intelligence Coaching: https://linktr.ee/bebravebeyou
Similar Blog Topics: Do As I Say, Not as I Do, Expectations & Emotions, From Setbacks to Setups, Healing Your Inner Child, Are You the Parent of an HSP?
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ALL IS WELL

1/21/2022

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All is Well.  Easier said than done when your world feels upside down, right?  Well, I can help you with that! Key word being FEELS. Because despite how you feel, this is when the words you choose to speak are more important than ever.

We tend to use our feelings as an excuse for not being responsible for our behavior. When we feel so lousy the last thing we feel like doing is speaking victory over our seemingly apparent defeat. BUT folks, if you want to elicit change, sometimes you've gotta fake it til' you make it!

FACT: Regardless of how you feel, your words will manifest into reality.  Reread that a few times. No matter how you feel right now, you have a CHOICE. Your choice is in how you speak over your circumstance.

How do you use your words when your back's up against the wall?  To speak defeat over your situation?  Or to speak change over what you see?  You always have a choice. Our knee jerk reaction is to act upon how we feel.

You know that saying, don't shoot the messenger?  Well, that feeling you have is no more than a messenger.  It is not your identity.  The messenger has come to alert you to your thoughts. If you can go back to the thought that created that feeling, you can choose another thought. Once you choose a better feeling thought, you can then proclaim that message over your life. Thus moving forward instead of staying stuck.

Let's take the story of Horatio G. Spafford as an example:
On November 22, 1873, while crossing the Atlantic on the steamship, Ville du Havre, their vessel was struck by an iron sailing ship. Two hundred and twenty-six people lost their lives, as the Ville du Havre sank within only twelve minutes. All four of Horatio Spafford’s daughters perished, but remarkably his wife Anna Spafford survived the tragedy.  When he was taken to the spot where his children had perished, it is said that Spafford returned to his cabin and wrote the now famous hymn “It is well with my soul." Of course he and his wife were both devastated, but they were determined to move forward and Anna went on to give birth to three more children. 

In the midst of turmoil, we so desperately want an explanation of why, but often times there is none. The only choice we are left with is deciding how we react, how we process our feelings. We can either use the circumstance to define us or we can use the circumstance to speak faith over our lives.

Next time you have that feeling of defeat, use it to RE-mind you instead of to RE-act to by:
Acknowledging & honoring how you feel
Decide you do not want that feeling to become your identity
Bravely trace that feeling back to its thought
Decide you want to think a better feeling thought
Speak that new thought over your Circumstance
For Example - All is Well


Follow me on Instagram, schedule a free consultation or check out these blogs to learn more about EQ and how it can change your life - like it did mine. Happy coaching Brave Ones!

Be Brave, Be You - Learn the Power of EQ!
Emotional Intelligence Coaching: https://linktr.ee/bebravebeyou
Similar Blog Topics: Trading Problems for Prayers, The Movie of Your Mind, The Easier Way to Let Go, Expectations & Emotions, Feel Your Way to Freedom​
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THINKING ABOUT GOALS VS. ACTUALLY DOING SOMETHING

1/18/2022

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I'm an a-type lovin' list maker!  I get excited to set goals, make plans for achieving them, and checking them off my to-do list.  Along the way though, I started to notice a pattern I had for my "tougher" goals.  AKA my big dreamer goals - transform my body, change careers, retrain my brain from lack and defeat to success - just to name a few 😊

I understand why now. I mean reread what I just wrote!  Those are some larger than life goals. So big that when you work towards fulfilling them, can feel overwhelming to say the least.  Key word being FEELING.  But we'll circle back to that in a minute.

​I spent a lot of time THINKING about my goals. Shortly after I finally got around to taking action, I became impatient when things weren't happening. I was under the impression I had been at it for a LONG time, but when I was honest with myself, I realized that I'd just been THINKING about them for a long time.

I hadn't actually been taking action for that long. Just long enough to get impatient. Then frustrated. Then I gave up all together. Sound familiar? Well it's quite common. So don't go shaming yourself. 

I always had the "I can" part of this mantra but I was missing the "I will" piece due to procrastination. And I was procrastinating because I was filled with doubt. Doubt is totally normal when you're going through change, because our brains love patterns.  BUT doubt can actually be used as a catalyst for change if you use it as a reminder to find a solution rather than an excuse to quit all together.

Let's take my body goal for example. It went something like this: I want to transform my body. But how can I when my body's been like this for so long? I mean I exercise all the time. And I eat nutritious every day. Well, I guess I've tried already. It must just be a byproduct of getting older. I might as well move on to the next goal. Now it would be one thing if I just let it go at that, but I'd still pine away after this goal. So I knew there had to more to it!

Well.....after further examination (when confronted with the cold hard facts aka my data in the My Fitness Pal app) I hadn't really been exercising all the time. I was constantly thinking about exercising. I also wasn't eating nutritious every day either. I spent more time thinking about the foods I should log in my app rather than what I was actually putting into my body.

This is how The Dailys were born. I wanted to move out of just feeling (I can) by coupling it with measurable action (I will). I decided that each day, I would have non-negotiables. These are tasks that I would do each day, no questions asked, to help me reach my goals. I wrote down my big dreamer goals. Then I divide them by twelve months. At the beginning of each month, I assigned them a week. Each week broke down into daily tasks. I kept track of all of this in my calendar and readjusted with the ebb and flow of my life. (After all I was a single full-time working mom and had a few other tasks on my to-do!)

I also had science backing up my new process too - Neural Pathways. Your brain is like a map and the pathways are like the roads. When you do something new, you form a new pathway that your brain adds to its "map" from how you got from point A to point B. When you do this task again, your brain remembers how because it's formed a neural pathway. Remember, your brain likes patterns, repetitions.

That's why change can SEEM so hard because you just haven't figured out your new pathway yet. Not because of your lack in will power or your inability to change. Now that you know you just need to build a new pathway, use The Dailys to help you do that - small daily steps add up to big dreamer goals!


Follow me on Instagram, schedule a free consultation or check out these blogs to learn more about EQ and how it can change your life - like it did mine. Happy coaching Brave Ones!

Be Brave, Be You - Learn the Power of EQ!
Emotional Intelligence Coaching: https://linktr.ee/bebravebeyou
Similar Blog Topics: Facing Your Fears, Destination or Distraction?, Practice Makes Productive, The Secret Ingredients for Goal Setting
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YOUR YEAR TO FACE YOUR FEARS

1/11/2022

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I saw a psychic about 15 years ago that told me I was full of lots of fear. She was trying to tell me that fear was dictating my choices, but there was nothing to fear. My fear was an illusion, and if I could see the truth, my life will change. Well being the "I've gotta feel it for myself type of gal" that I am, I just thought - well who isn't afraid lady? And went about my business. Of making lots and lots and lots of choices. Based. In. Fear.

Fast forward a decade later and I finally "saw" this message as living proof in my life. I finally saw the pattern of emotional decisions based in fear vs. what could have been well thought out decisions based on my self-worth. Well, that's because at the time, I didn't have any confidence. Instead I built my life on a shaky foundation that eventually came crumbling down.

I got divorced, twice, to the same type of man no less. But he'd been dressed up in a different personality. So instead of acknowledging the red flags flying everywhere, I stayed camouflaged in denial. I ran up credit card balances, paid them off and ran them up again. I continued to use drugs and alcohol to cope. Only to find the next day the only coping I had was shame for my behavior the night before. Of course being hung over, I was in no mood to exercise or eat anything that resembled nutritious either. And the cycle went on like this for years.

Even though somewhere in the depth of my soul I knew this behavior was not my highest good, I kept staying in these cycles of defeat because I had grown used to them. You know, the old saying - better the devil that you know? I wanted to believe that it was better to deal with difficult people or situations that I knew instead of trying something new - for fear it could be worse.

We buy into fear's story because it pretends to be shielding us from future pain. Fear is able to do this because it feeds off of our insecurity. And we blindly believe the narrative
because it feels so dang real. But please know this - just because we feel, does not make it real. F.E.A.R. stands for false evidence appearing real. So how do we get rid of the false appearing and find the real evidence?

You separate yourself from the storyline. When we feel fear, it's because the story we've told has become our identity. For example, when I knew I needed to divorce the second time, fear's voice kept telling me: You're too old, you'll never find anyone else. What a failure! What will people think, twice divorced? What a looser! You really are unlovable. 

Well with that dialogue going on, of course I'm going to feel even more fear and paralyzed to take action! I found that in order to move past my fear, into truth, I had to tackle each question head on. I had to see what was truth and what was myth. By taking "my character" out of the storyline and re-evaluating the story as an observer, I was able to detach my feelings to find the thoughts that had created this nasty narrative. Then and only then could I change the narrative. Once I had new thoughts, it created empowering feelings, which led to positive forward action.

What I learned was this:
You can't pick and choose the truth.
Fear often covers up the truth.
Letting go of shame gives you the power to face fear.
Once you face your fear, the truth is revealed.
Truth is the door that opens to love.
Love gives you the strength to take forward moving action.


Follow me on Instagram, schedule a free consultation or check out these blogs to learn more about EQ and how it can change your life - like it did mine. Happy coaching Brave Ones!

Be Brave, Be You - Learn the Power of EQ!
Emotional Intelligence Coaching: https://linktr.ee/bebravebeyou
Similar Blog Topics: Feel Your Way to Freedom, Overcoming Self-confidence Traps, Heal Your Inner Child, From Setbacks to Setups, You Achieve What You Believe ​

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NEW YEAR, SAME YOU!

1/3/2022

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Happy New Year Brave Ones! 

The celebration of the new year has a lot of bravado behind it. There is so much societal pressure to commit to change. But what I've learned is the new year doesn't have to mean a new you. The new year can be an opportunity to experience you in a new way!

New beginnings give us that extra skip in our step, and when fueled by this excitement, we're more open to seeing things in new ways. There is even a scientific explanation for this!

The Observation Effect says that if we change the way we see something, that something will change. It may appear there are no more options in your life. You may feel like you've tried every angle. But in this world of duality, there is ALWAYS an opposite perspective. Guaranteed. Every. Single. Time.

So if it's guaranteed, no way you can fail, 100% chance of success, why not give it a whirl?!? My world did a 180 when I took these steps towards a perspective change. I went from seeing the world as a place where everything happens to me and I have zero control .... to living a life of pure joy and abundance, where I just flow in faith. I am so filled with love and hope that all I want is to share this feeling with anyone who wants to feel the same. It's literally like a ton of bricks have been lifted off my chest because I am free from debilitating fear.

Here are the facts:
Everything that happens, happens for you - not to you.
Changing this perspective will not happen overnight.
You must put in the hard-work and the heart-work.
This work is done by way of your feelings.
You honor them by feeling them ALL.
You follow them back to the thoughts that created them.
You honestly tell the story behind your thoughts.
Only then can you dismantle the story to be rewritten.
As your inner dialogue changes, your outside world will follow suit.
It will never be the other way around.

Shift your focus from trying to control the outside, to cleaning up your inside, and I guarantee you will live the life of your dreams! 
Follow me on Instagram, schedule a free consultation or check out these blogs to learn more about EQ and how it can change your life - like it did mine. Happy coaching Brave Ones!

Be Brave, Be You - Learn the Power of EQ!
Emotional Intelligence Coaching: https://linktr.ee/bebravebeyou
Similar Blog Topics: Trade Problems for Prayer, Distraction or Destination?, The Move of Your Mind, To Be or Not to Be, The Magic of Universal Flow

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