This is one of my favorite topics!  It is so very dear to my heart because for the longest time, I got stuck - like in quicksand stuck – in fear of trying new things, in failure when something didn’t go as planned and in mistakes I’d made.  I couldn’t seem to let go.  I just kept revisiting it over and over in my mind.  Not for the opportunity to learn from the experience but for the chance to endlessly shame myself for my inadequacies.  In summary, I was letting these disappointments define me. 

Looking back, I can see clearly now how I fell into that trap.  It’s only natural to feel down about fear, failures and mistakes.  Who wouldn’t?  But the key is not to get stuck in these feelings.  To know that you can move past these seeming obstacles. And to become stronger for it! 

What we believe, we achieve.  If we continue to identify with our fear, failures and mistakes we miss tapping into our true potential.  And don’t we all want our kids to live bravely and become all they are meant to be?  Well then it is our responsibility to teach them that fear, failures and mistakes are all a part of life.  We need to teach them to expect them, not be surprised by them. We do this by equipping our kiddos with skills to deal with what life throws their way. 

Shifting Your Way to Victory 
We live in a world of duality.  You’re either up or you’re down.  You go right or go left.  You are right or you are wrong.  Now that you get the idea, let’s build on it.   

Events are actually neutral.  We are the ones that define them as good or as bad.  Which means how we react is a choice.  We can either look to failure and mistakes to define us – “I made so many errors in the game today, I’m just not athletic.” Or we can look to them to teach us - “I kept getting penalties today that were all for the same thing.  How can I become more aware of what I’m doing before a penalty is called?” 

How we respond enables us to either stand in our personal power or shrink into a victim.  By standing in our personal power, we realize we have a choice.  Being a victim only gives your power away by not feeling in control.  Good news is, if we do choose the victimhood first, we can always change our minds!  We do this by shifting our perspective of the failure or mistake.  

Remember, we should never ignore how we feel.  Our feelings are there for a reason, to alert us to an issue we need to address.  What we do with our feelings is what is important – in other words, how we choose to react.  Do we face the disappointment with hope to learn from it or do we give up, throw in the towel and let the experience define us? 

Practice Makes Perfect  
We’ve all seen those people in our lives, that over time get beaten down by life’s disappointments and we surely don’t want our kiddos going down that path.  Now you can teach them that instead of seeing failure or mistakes as something they don’t want to deal with, they can use the experience as a compass to direct their path – instead of a roadblock that stunts their growth.  Let us all declare - No quicksand for our kiddos! 

Identify a fear, failure or mistake your kiddo has recently experienced.  Work together to change the perspective from something disappointing to what can be learned.  You can even start a Victory Journal where your kiddo logs in each time they do this exercise.  When they encounter a disappointment again, they can read all the times they overcame.  Watch their resilience grow and know you have taught them a life-long skill that will serve them well!  Way to go mom! 

 As Henry Ford said “Whether you think you can, or you think you can't--you're right.” ​

It would be my pleasure to hear your family’s struggles with moving past disappointments and to teach you coping mechanisms I learned from my personal journey and professional training.  Follow me for more to come! 
 
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Let's teach our children how to Be Brave, Be You - by learning the Power of EQ! 

Everything we do as parents is to prepare our kids for their future success.  We do this by teaching them a gamut of lessons. These lessons lay a solid foundation for our kiddos to build their unique life and place in this world.  We teach them how to eat healthy. How important exercising is. To always give your best - in the classroom and on the ball field. You are who you hang around. Treat other people the way you want to be treated. And the list goes on. But what if we are missing an opportunity to teach them one of the most important lessons of all?

Society teaches us that by developing our child's IQ, to the best of their ability, we will all but ensure their future success. There is nothing wrong with striving for a high IQ. I grew up on this model. We all did. Learning was so fascinating to me that I've even collected several degrees, all in varying and contrasting subjects and modalities. I've also experienced great success. But, something was missing.

Even though I excelled academically in my life, emotionally I was not as skilled. This affected all of my relationships - my family, friends, professional and romantic. I had a high IQ but a very underdeveloped EQ. This in turn impacted my self-confidence and how i interacted with others (quite often defensively I might add!) which also got in the way of academic opportunities for advancement in my career.

Where IQ measures how smart you are academically, EQ measures how "smart" you are emotionally. By emotionally smart, I mean how competent you are in self-awareness, self-management, social awareness and relationship management.  Simply put how aware you are of your emotions, if you take responsibility for them and if you take action to improve upon them.

For many years I surely did not. I saw the world as a place where I was the victim. Where everything was happening to me. My life changed when I learned how to become emotionally intelligent. To accept the fact that when someone or something triggered a negative emotion inside of me, it was my responsibility to get to the bottom of it. And by blaming the other person, I was only postponing future pain that was sure to show up.

How did I turn this ship around? I learned how to become emotionally intelligent. I learned by becoming aware of my thought patterns, I could then take responsibility for them and by taking action, can change them. You see it all begins with our inner dialogue. As Henry Ford famously quoted “Whether you think you can or you think you can't, you're right."  This is where we truly hold our personal power and the statistics prove it as well.

As early as the age of 7 children's self-confidence can start to decline. 30% of children between the ages of 10-12 experience headaches and difficulty sleeping due to stress. 10% of children are diagnosed with depression by the age of 18. 1 out of 4 children are bullied, with 43% of that happening online.

This need not be so. We can teach our children in the formative years mindset developmental skills that target thought patterns. We can teach our children the brain science behind the power their minds and the power of their thoughts to become the master of their life and not the servant. 

Let's teach our children to Be Brave, Be You - by learning the power of EQ!

Many of us have developed a habit that we are completely unaware of - Conditional Confidence.  Because of a lack in self-esteem, we find ourselves only being confident in familiar situations.  Instead of learning to develop self-esteem from the inside out, we've taught ourselves to gain confidence from sources outside of ourselves.  So we then only put ourselves in situations in which we know we can succeed because we've been there before.  Sound familiar?

​Well, this need not be so!  When you learn how to believe in yourself and in your power to make things happen, it enables you to step through fear and uncertainty and reach your full potential.

So how do we leap from the known to the unknown?  First we have to identify the traps we've become prey to & then​ use mindset skills to move past them.

​There are three traps that keep us from developing sustaining self-confidence:

1. Fear of the Unknown
We all get nervous when we do something for the first time and it's supposed to feel unsettling!  Not because you will fail but because you haven't developed neural pathways yet.  Your brain is like a map and the neural pathways are like the roads.  When you are trying something for the first time, a "road" hasn't been built yet but the more you try it, then the "road" gets built and each time it gets easier!

So how do we settle our nerves before that neural pathway has been made?  We can use visualization.  Visualization is when we imagine ourselves in the future having already achieved our goals.  You see, your mind does not know the difference between reality and imagination.  So when you visualize, you actually go ahead and start building that neural pathway!

2. Self-Doubt
When we play it safe because we are unsure of our abilities due to our lack of knowledge or experience, we limit ourselves from reaching our full potential. And each time we do this, we create more self-doubt.

We can overcome this habit with the use of affirmations.  Affirmations are statements you make to yourself that communicate positive messages about what you want.  So we shift our self-talk from "I Can't" to "I Can!" and in the process, we build a trusty new neural pathway!

3. Failure or Disappointment
When we have failed at something or had a different outcome than we anticipated, we often make the decision not to try again so we're not hurt again.  When we do this, we are allowing a failure or disappointment to define who you are but this label is not you.  It was just something that happened outside of you.  But when we learn how to separate ourselves from an experience, we no longer allow that experience to define us.

​One of my favorite techniques for overcoming failure or disappointment is Put It In A Box.  In this exercise, you literally do just that!  You right down the experience in a brief description and draw a box around it.  Then toss it to the side.  Next, describe out loud the facts of what happened - not your emotions.  Seek then to learn from it and often that means reaching out and asking for someone's opinion or help.  Take action based upon what you've learned, make a plan to fix/solve/prevent it and as Elsa sings....Let It Go!

I hope this was of service to you!
Much love, 
Michelle

Does your child meet any of these traits? 
- Startles easily
- Learns better from gentle correction (versus harsh punishment)
- Uses big words for their age
- Has a clever sense of humor
- Doesn't do big changes well
- Asks lots of questions
- Is a perfectionist
- Is quite intuitive, seems to read your mind
- Is very sensitive to pain
- Is bothered by noisy places
- Feels things deeply

Highly Sensitive People are born with highly sensitive nervous systems that allow them to grasp subtle changes in energy - in both emotional and physical environments.  This makes them become overwhelmed by the emotional distress of others or in highly stimulating environments.

They have wrongly been labeled as hyper-sensitive and often asked why they can't just be like everybody else - but they most definitely are not.  As they represent a mere 15% of the population.  So from an early age, they can develop self-confidence issues if they don't learn to see their sensitivity as a gift.

Since children create a sense of self worth during their early formative years, it is important for parents of HSPs to realize their child needs more help creating self-confidence than the "average" child.

Parents can offer this help by:
1. Offering encouragement - so they know they are supported for who they are
2. Allowing your child to feel their feelings - teaching them how to manage them
3. Showing them their sensitivity is a strength - through perspective shifts
4. Validating your child's experience - by not discounting what they feel
5. Honor your child's ability to pick up subtle energy - intuitive training

I empower Highly Sensitive Children between the ages of 7-13 to embrace their sensitivity as a gift so they develop sustaining self-confidence.

My coaching practice is unique because I teach both intellectual and intuitive skills to foster self-confidence.  The Wisdom curriculum teaches children how to use the power of their minds and the power of their thoughts to create self-confidence, and my Reap program teaches them how to reclaim their personal power by tapping into their intuition for daily guidance.  Thus learning to turn obstacles into growth opportunities.
​
If this sounds of interest to you, please contact me for a free consultation at Michelle@BeBraveBeYou.org