Expectations and emotions.  Now that’s a loaded topic, right?  Even more so when we’re talking about our kids & emotions.  Then add to that unexpected circumstances we can’t just fix?  That used to be what I’d define as a hot mess! 

But it doesn’t have to be.  And that’s the hope I want to offer as we all adapt to our new normal.  The good news is that the old debate between the working mom and stay at home mom has officially been squashed.  Because regardless of the camp in which you reside, we’ve all been given the new title – TEACHER. And let’s be honest, the title mom alone was already a full-time position that could easily be filled by at least 5 human beings – housekeeper, chef, chauffer, launder and counselor.  

I don’t know about yall, but it’s been a lot.  For many reasons.  First, I’m super type-A and I love trying to control the outcome. (Ok, maybe I’m recovering-A because I did just use the word “trying”.)  I set high expectations.  I also work well in structured schedules.  And I am a social butterfly. 

For anyone that’s been a quarantined homeschooler for a week now knows that all of the above just got thrown out the window!  Those expectations I set for life just laughed right in my face, turned around and ran away.  I decided if I was going to adapt to my new normal, I better find that zen-go-with-the-flow-yoga-girl I so idolize. 

Well …. let’s just say I’m still in hot pursuit of that girl because she’s nowhere to be found (shocker, right?).  Plan B: let’s get down to some coping mechanisms instead …. what do we do when we can’t do anything? 

Coping with expectations is master’s level work when it comes to emotional intelligence.  When we can bridge the gap between what we want to happen versus the reality of what’s really going on, we’re well on our way to emotional freedom.  

It can be hard though because feelings of disappointment stink.  BUT what we all fail to realize is that there is NOTHING wrong with this feeling.  Where we take a wrong turn is when we don’t allow ourselves to feel these feelings.  The big secret is, once we feel them, they no longer have control over us! 

Once our feelings no longer control us, we can take intentional action to change the feeling.  One of my go-to methods for healing an expectation is called Retrain Your Brain. You literally flip your perspective from seeing a disappointment to seeing a gift.   

This is what I did when I became a full-time employee working from home, full-time teacher with NO prior experience and full-time stay at home mom to a very energetic yet fabulously cute 9 year-old boy.  

Yes, if I look at it on paper, all lined up and in print, it invokes much deserved anxiety.  Yet, do I want to sit in that anxiety?  Or do I want to move on to a better feeling?  I chose to vote for the latter option. So I put the old Retrain Your Brain methodology to work. I asked myself, since I can’t do anything to change my current situation, what can I learn from it?  I started focusing on all that I am gaining instead. 

I get to be the stay at home I’d always dreamed of being and didn’t have the opportunity to do;  I get to spend more time with my son on his school during the day instead of rushed, forced homework at night (with tantrums and tears) after getting home from work and before taking him to baseball;  I get to take daily walks in the neighborhood where my son tells me all about what goes on in his head (truly a gift from a very active, on the go, kinda guy);  I get to do fun, special projects with my son every single day (and not just on the weekends);  I get to spend time with my older gentleman, a 13 year-old chocolate lab and crazy kitties;  I finally got the cat that’s shown up at our door to let me pet her – we now have adopted her too!   

I can tell by now you’ve got the drift of how this works. Now you try it.  After all, we never teach our kiddo something we haven’t first proven to ourselves to work.  Embrace how focusing on what you can control feels so much better than fighting what you can’t change.  See how much more energy it gives you. What extra things did you accomplish with this energy? 

Ask your kiddo about a disappointment.  Have them tell you what they wished had happened and how they feel.  Tell them it’s perfectly ok to feel that way.  Ask them if they had to do it over, what could they have done differently.  If nothing, way to go you did your best!  If yes, then guess what? You learned something new.  Either way it’s a win- win! When we teach our kids that disappointments are wins too, they train their brain to learn from disappointments instead of becoming defined by them. 

Now let’s go teach our kiddos!  We ARE their greatest role model.  Let’s unite in this moment moms and agree to use this current situation to show our kids how great we can handle the unexpected.  You are investing in their successful emotional future and after all, we mamas are the original teachers! 
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I want to support you marvelous mamas during this challenging time.  Join my community for daily tips & tricks https://www.facebook.com/MichelleColeBeBraveBeYou/ and email me for free coaching support Michelle@BeBraveBeYou.org - You GOT this!   
- The Mom’s Coach 
www.BeBraveBeYou.org 
#bebravebeyou   
#EQisthenewIQ   
#theMOMScoach  
#teachyourchildrenwell 

For more information, check out my blogs: Feel Your Way to Freedom, From Setbacks to Setups,
Learn the Power of EQ

The Most Important Person to Listen to is You 
It took me quite a long time to buy this story and understandably so!  When your outside world is a hot mess, it’s a hard pill to swallow that you might just be responsible for it.  I mean who in the world would want negative people or experiences in their life?  Don’t we all just want peace and joy? 
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Of course, we do and the good news is, we have more control over the situation than we think we do. Simply put, our outside world is a reflection of our inside conversation.  What we think we synch. So in my case, I once thought I was unworthy of love. In turn I attracted people and circumstances that showed me I was unworthy – disloyal friends, men that used and betrayed me and financial failure just to name a few. 

It wasn’t until I admitted to myself that I was the common denominator in all my life’s drama that I begin to regain my personal power. I discovered that my thoughts were the root to all my life’s circumstances.  Yes!  Our thoughts are that powerful because they turn into “our story” that we tell, which becomes our belief system. 

Begin by Taking Responsibility
Discovering the sheer power of your thoughts is both liberating and scary.  The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again but expecting different results. If you want a different outcome than you’ve had in the past, you need to retrain your brain to think differently. But how was I to monitor every thought I had?  It sounded so very exhausting.  

It is actually quite simple.  You start with how you feel. Most of us choose one of two ways to process feelings.  Either you suppress them by stuffing them down and pretending they don’t exist. Or you can get stuck in the never-ending hamster wheel of over-analyzing them (this was my poison). Both are simply a way to avoid the feeling. It’s natural.  We just want to protect ourselves from being hurt but the fact remains the feelings won’t go away. Might as well face them head on! 

Be the Master of Your Thoughts, Not the Servant
The healthiest way sounds so rudimentary but it works as simply as it sounds – just feel how you feel.  Acknowledge – that made me mad, sad, stuck, lost – whatever feeling it is that has arisen. Breath into this acknowledgement. Then, instead of shaming or judging yourself, begin to get curious by asking questions about your feelings.  

Through our feelings we become more conscious of our thoughts.  This is because our feelings are triggered by our thoughts. If you have good thoughts, you have good feelings and then you take positive action.  The opposite is true as well – think negatively, feel negatively, take negative actions.  I was all too familiar with the latter scene. So, I decided to try the opposite, it worked! 

In physics this is called the Observer Effect - the mere observation of a phenomenon inevitably changes that phenomenon. By becoming aware of how we feel, we can decide if our thoughts need to change.  We simultaneously build our self-confidence because we are now in the driver’s seat.  We are in control of our actions.  Therefore, we operate from a place of decision making rather than just reacting to a feeling.  

Voila, you’ve now become the victor of your reality, not the victim of some circumstance!  You have taken back your personal power by taking responsibility for your thoughts which can now manifest as positive experiences in your life.  

t would be my pleasure to work with your family on intuition and to teach you what I learned from my personal journey and professional training.  Follow me for more to come! 

For more information, check out my blog Healing My Inner Child:
www.bebravebeyou.org/2/post/2019/09/eq-is-the-new-iq4146244.html

As Henry Ford said “Whether you think you can, or you think you can't--you're right.” ​
 
Join Me  
I hoped you received some valuable information!  Follow me for free tips & tricks, and I look forward to serving your family's needs!  Here’s to happy coaching, the Mom’s Coach 
Find tips & tricks to help your family:  https://www.facebook.com/MichelleColeBeBraveBeYou 
Follow my stories as a parent:  https://www.instagram.com/bebravebeyou_org/ 
Contact me with Questions:  Michelle@BeBraveBeYou.org 
Connect with my Blog:  http://www.bebravebeyou.org/blog 
Join my Free Membership:  http://www.bebravebeyou.org/membership 
​
Let's teach our children how to Be Brave, Be You - by learning the Power of EQ! 

Spiritual Beings Having a Human Experience 
Spirit is defined as “the nonphysical part of a person which is the seat of emotions and character; the soul.”  Most of us identify with ourselves as being a body with a spirit.  However, it’s actually the other way around!  In reality we are actually spirits having a human experience.  

We are not in physical form to learn to elevate or enlighten our spiritual nature.  Our spiritual nature needs no tweaking.  We are here in physical form to experience our spiritual nature. To find out our unique likes and dislikes, what we do and don’t want to experience, and how to leave our unique legacy. 

Part of how we care for ourselves is giving our spirit room to create in its own individual way.  Creativity is a form of playing for our spirits.  A form of expression of who we uniquely are.  There never has been nor will there ever be someone exactly as you are.  Isn’t that exciting? 

Living in the Present Moment 
Creativity also fosters living in the present moment.  Most of us spend our time fretting over past mistakes made or worrying about events in the future.  When we do this, we rob ourselves of the present moment.  When in reality the present moment is truly the only moment there is.  

Many of us were not taught this as children and we’ve grown to waste precious time in the present moment trying to fix the past or forecast the future.  If we can teach our children in their formative years about living the present moment, they will have a better chance at reaching their fullest potential. 

What is Your Individual Expression? 
Creativity comes in many forms. The usual suspects that first come to mind are art based – painting, singing, playing an instrument, sculpture, drama, dance, photography or creative writing.   

The creativity I am referring to encompasses so much more.  It includes anything that you are passionate about – it is not limited to the arts.  Examples are sports (skating, biking), education (solving math problems, spelling bees), nature (collecting rocks, gardening) and creating (sewing, knitting).  

We spend so much time at work or school conforming in groups, that it is important for us to teach our kiddos how to unleash their personal imprint of their soul.  To explore many different types of activities and find what makes your heart sing gives meaning to our lives. 

Help Your Kiddo Tap Into Their Creativity 
As a parent I have both listened to what my son would like to try and also introduced activities. For a balanced, well-rounded structure, I choose three types of creative activities each quarter. 

I’ve worked his out around sports, which are his jam. Each league lasts three months and we choose two more activities.  For example, this winter we chose sports (basketball), creative (lego class) and education (math app on his tablet). Voila, it’s that simple! 

In addition to finding what he uniquely likes to create, he is also learning the habit of trying new things.  Each time he does so, he gets less fearful of the unknown because he is practicing building those Neural Pathways! 

It’s also great for our kiddos to see we value expressing our creativity as well.  I love to read, work out and sing and my son sees my joy, which reinforces the importance of creativity.  Way to set an example for your kiddo that creativity is not a luxury it’s a must-have skill! 

For more information, check out my blog Comfort Zones:
http://www.bebravebeyou.org/2/post/2019/10/jumping-from-your-comfort-zone-into-the-end-zone.html
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As Sam Owen said - How we care for ourselves gives our brain messages that shape our self-worth. So, we must care for ourselves in every way, every day! ​
 
Join Me  
I hoped you received some valuable information!  Follow me for free tips & tricks, and I look forward to serving your family's needs!  Here’s to happy coaching, the Mom’s Coach 
Find tips & tricks to help your family:  https://www.facebook.com/MichelleColeBeBraveBeYou 
Follow my stories as a parent:  https://www.instagram.com/bebravebeyou_org/ 
Contact me with Questions:  Michelle@BeBraveBeYou.org 
Connect with my Blog:  http://www.bebravebeyou.org/blog 
Join my Free Membership:  http://www.bebravebeyou.org/membership 
​
Let's teach our children how to Be Brave, Be You - by learning the Power of EQ! 

This is one of my favorite topics!  It is so very dear to my heart because for the longest time, I got stuck - like in quicksand stuck – in fear of trying new things, in failure when something didn’t go as planned and in mistakes I’d made.  I couldn’t seem to let go.  I just kept revisiting it over and over in my mind.  Not for the opportunity to learn from the experience but for the chance to endlessly shame myself for my inadequacies.  In summary, I was letting these disappointments define me. 

Looking back, I can see clearly now how I fell into that trap.  It’s only natural to feel down about fear, failures and mistakes.  Who wouldn’t?  But the key is not to get stuck in these feelings.  To know that you can move past these seeming obstacles. And to become stronger for it! 

What we believe, we achieve.  If we continue to identify with our fear, failures and mistakes we miss tapping into our true potential.  And don’t we all want our kids to live bravely and become all they are meant to be?  Well then it is our responsibility to teach them that fear, failures and mistakes are all a part of life.  We need to teach them to expect them, not be surprised by them. We do this by equipping our kiddos with skills to deal with what life throws their way. 

Shifting Your Way to Victory 
We live in a world of duality.  You’re either up or you’re down.  You go right or go left.  You are right or you are wrong.  Now that you get the idea, let’s build on it.   

Events are actually neutral.  We are the ones that define them as good or as bad.  Which means how we react is a choice.  We can either look to failure and mistakes to define us – “I made so many errors in the game today, I’m just not athletic.” Or we can look to them to teach us - “I kept getting penalties today that were all for the same thing.  How can I become more aware of what I’m doing before a penalty is called?” 

How we respond enables us to either stand in our personal power or shrink into a victim.  By standing in our personal power, we realize we have a choice.  Being a victim only gives your power away by not feeling in control.  Good news is, if we do choose the victimhood first, we can always change our minds!  We do this by shifting our perspective of the failure or mistake.  

Remember, we should never ignore how we feel.  Our feelings are there for a reason, to alert us to an issue we need to address.  What we do with our feelings is what is important – in other words, how we choose to react.  Do we face the disappointment with hope to learn from it or do we give up, throw in the towel and let the experience define us? 

Practice Makes Perfect  
We’ve all seen those people in our lives, that over time get beaten down by life’s disappointments and we surely don’t want our kiddos going down that path.  Now you can teach them that instead of seeing failure or mistakes as something they don’t want to deal with, they can use the experience as a compass to direct their path – instead of a roadblock that stunts their growth.  Let us all declare - No quicksand for our kiddos! 

Identify a fear, failure or mistake your kiddo has recently experienced.  Work together to change the perspective from something disappointing to what can be learned.  You can even start a Victory Journal where your kiddo logs in each time they do this exercise.  When they encounter a disappointment again, they can read all the times they overcame.  Watch their resilience grow and know you have taught them a life-long skill that will serve them well!  Way to go mom! 

 As Henry Ford said “Whether you think you can, or you think you can't--you're right.” ​

It would be my pleasure to hear your family’s struggles with moving past disappointments and to teach you coping mechanisms I learned from my personal journey and professional training.  Follow me for more to come! 

For more information, check out my blog Self-Confidence Traps:  
http://www.bebravebeyou.org/2/post/2018/03/self-confidence-traps-and-how-to-overcome.html

Join Me  
I hoped you received some valuable information!  Follow me for free tips & tricks, and I look forward to serving your family's needs!  Here’s to happy coaching, the Mom’s Coach 
Find tips & tricks to help your family:  https://www.facebook.com/MichelleColeBeBraveBeYou 
Follow my stories as a parent:  https://www.instagram.com/bebravebeyou_org/ 
Contact me with Questions:  Michelle@BeBraveBeYou.org 
Connect with my Blog:  http://www.bebravebeyou.org/blog 
Join my Free Membership:  http://www.bebravebeyou.org/membership 

Let's teach our children how to Be Brave, Be You - by learning the Power of EQ!